


Ear to the Wall - Excerpts

by Vodkassassin



Series: EttWverse [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: And Then Some, Drabble Collection, Kakashi just wants to sleep leave him alone, Minato is banned from the kitchen, Obito is trying so hard I’m proud of him, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rin is a shoe in for the Mom Friend role, The kitchen belongs to Orochimaru, any scene I write that doesn’t fit in the main story goes here, anyone who dares infringe upon his territory will be stabbed as a warning, of sorts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:54:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22885090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vodkassassin/pseuds/Vodkassassin
Summary: Any scenes I write for EttW that don’t make it into the final cut, but that I like too much to not post :PNote: you’re really gonna wanna read Ear to the Wall before any of this bc if you haven’t you won’t understand the nuances of my masterpiece here 😌🙏🏻
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Namikaze Minato, Hatake Kakashi & Nohara Rin & Uchiha Obito, Hatake Kakashi & Orochimaru, Hatake Kakashi & The Tea, Namikaze Minato & Orochimaru, Namikaze Minato & Uzumaki Kushina, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Series: EttWverse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644991
Comments: 83
Kudos: 1494





	1. Groceries

**Author's Note:**

> I’ll write a few scenes that won’t fit with the main story, and post them here. I made it a series just to keep things orderly, but also because once I finish writing Ear to the Wall, I think it might be fun to write a few one shots (maybe even other stories) set in the same universe as EttW, hence the name of the series.  
> I might even take requests ;3 who knows?

Minato hefts the paper bags up a bit, leaning back to rest it against his chest as he fumbles with the door handle. Finally managing to get it open, he enters the apartment and hooks a foot back to push it shut again behind him. 

Obito glances up from his spot on the couch, pouring over a study scroll graciously borrowed to him from the ever benevolent snake sannin. The boy gives him a lazy wave, and returns to his work. Minato decides against speaking his own greeting, least he further distract his student ( _his_ student. Obito is his student. Minato is a little bummed that Orochimaru seems to be ever increasingly infringing upon that sacred right, but the man is a far better teacher than Minato could ever hope to be… it's just better to accept his help wherever the ambiguous man deigns to offer it).

He steps in through the doorless entry that leads into the other room, giving a nod to the very subject of his thoughts, who lounges in one of the rickety wooden kitchen chairs (they really need to see about replacing those things, they’re a downright health hazard) as if it were a throne made of gold and yen. Somehow, Orochimaru can look absolutely unruffled in even the most downtrodden places of squalor (not that Kakashi’s apartment is— _well_ . Not that it _isn’t_ … ahem). 

Kakashi himself is curled up in the chair directly across from the sannin, mug of tea ever present in his hands, shoulders hunched. He stares dazedly down at the table with glazed eyes, like he’s not really seeing it and his mind is somewhere else entirely. As always, the sight of his youngest and smallest student so out of sorts and miserable sends a curl of disquiet and concern to unfurl in Minato’s stomach. 

He sets down his burden upon the table and surveys the bags with a sharp eye. Certain that he’d gotten everything he’d intended—kami forbid he forget an item after already coming all the way back from the market—he turns on his heel. 

Orochimaru reaches out and snags him by the collar before he can abscond to the living room. Minato is spun bodily around to face a poisonous golden glare and blinks. 

“What,” Orochimaru hisses, waving a box from one of the grocery bags in Minato’s stupefied face, “is _this_?”

“Um,” Minato regards the box as if it were a live weapon, squinting a bit in order to focus on the label, since the snake sannin isn’t exactly holding it still for him to read, “... Instant mash?”

Orochimaru inhales sharply through his nose, as if Minato’s just confirmed his worst fears. He shoves the box into the blonde jounin’s arms with a sort of furious vigor. “Take it back.”

“ _Why_?” Minato asks, aghast. 

“ _No_ ,” Orochimaru snarls instead of explaining, giving the man another shove as if that will make him leave faster. “Take it back, and buy _actual potatoes_ , from Mikigami-san’s stall in the market.”

“But the market fresh produce is so _expensive_ , the refund for the cheaper instant mash is never going to come _close_ to enough to pay for—“

Orochimaru throws yen at the man like the money is kunai before Minato is even finished crying out his protest, angular face twisted in disgust. “Go! Real potatoes. And don’t you _ever_ bring that instant garbage atrocity into the same building as me again!”

“ _But_ —“ 

“ _Now_.”

Minato yelps as Orochimaru visibly goes for his actual throwing knives, and ducks past the man to throw himself, not into the living room and therefor for the door to exit, but out the open kitchen window as if the building was on fire behind him. 

Orochimaru turns around with a rather pressed-sounding huff. Kakashi sits at the table, not having moved a single inch from where he’d been placed, hands wrapped around his favorite tea mug, and stares up at the sannin with wide eyes. 

Orochimaru glances over at him in the midsts of a softly grumbled rant of words Kakashi isn’t quite able to make out even with his sharper hearing, and points a finger at the boy. 

“None of that instant trash,” the man warns him. “Ever.”

Kakashi nods silently, gripping his tea in a tighter grip. He knows better than to argue.   
  
  



	2. Bathtub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nobody ever said Team Seven was normal

  
_Sakura plasters herself against the side of the tub, forehead pressed to tile, and Sasuke scoots forward to insert his feet into the bathwater. A second doesn’t even pass before Sakura has his calf hugged tightly to her chest._

_Sasuke doesn’t draw back, why would he? Reaching out with a hand, he runs his fingers through her damp pink hair, and after a moment he slides himself down until he’s sitting next to her in the tub._

_Naruto pokes his head in through the doorway, catches sight of them, and his face doesn’t change from the casual, nonchalant disinterest. “Is it a bathtub day?”_

_Sasuke glances up from where he’s ruffling Sakura’s hair, from where she’s curled up against his chest, and inclines his head wordlessly, single brow raised._

_“I’ll get the snacks,” the blonde says, and disappears._

_It isn't until an hour passes, when Naruto has set up a DVD player on top of the toilet lid, selected a movie, and drug in the coffee table from the living room to set the food on, until he’s climbed into the tub beside them, as fully clothed as Sasuke is, that Kakashi steps out of the shadows and settles himself on the window ledge with an exasperated sigh._

_“Why are you like this?” He asks them, only to receive identical cheeky grins from all three of them as they turn to face him. Naruto scoots over, water sloshing all around them as he crowds his teammates against one end of the bathtub, only to pat at the water beside him in the space he’s made and look at his sensei with an expectant expression mirrored by both Sakura and Sasuke._

_Kakashi stares down at them. He glances down at his (dry) shinobi uniform, then at the water soaking theirs. He looks at the opening credits of the movie they’ve decided to play, only to find the latest Icha Icha live action, and sighs resignedly at the smug smirks his cute students are sending his way. He slips down from the window and climbs into the tub beside them, surrendering himself to a day spent soaking wet and munching on sesame crackers, mochi, and cup ramen._

_All their fingers and toes are horribly pruned by the time they finally go for the towels and find a bed to get lost in for the night._

  
  


Minato looks up from the plate of leftover stir fry, so obviously Rin’s cooking that it makes him smile just a little, with a small frown. 

Orochimaru is sat across from him, sipping from the ever present tea mug and rifling through the similarly ever present scroll. He catches Minato’s look, and raises a pointed, delicate brow. 

Minato flushes. “Just… he’s been in there for a while, hasn’t he?”

The man blinks slowly at him, and a frown flirts across his own face after a moment of probably calculating the time between when Kakashi had left for the bathroom and now. He tilts his head forward in agreement shortly after he comes to some sort of answer. 

“Best to check on him, perhaps,” Orochimaru says, and then goes back to his scroll without another word. 

Minato stares at him in silence, _feeling_ the minute tick by, and then sets his fork down with a sigh. It’s up to him, isn’t it? Orochimaru is not going to get up. He scoots his chair back from the table and stands up, just barely catching the small, smug lift of Orochimaru’s lips as he turns away. Oddly, it makes Minato feel like chuckling, instead of annoyed. 

It’s not that he’d rather Orochimaru deal with Kakashi—and _deal_ wasn’t the right word, it makes it sound like Minato thinks Kakashi is just an obligation, which, _no_ —but at the same time, it’s exactly that. The snake sannin just has a way with the small boy. Kakashi listens to Orochimaru, obviously respects him, even turns to him for comfort in a way that Minato doubted Kakashi would do if it were him there instead. And it hurts to think about that, because Minato _loves_ Kakashi, for all that it’s only really been a year that the boy has been under his charge. In that year, though, has Minato truly been doing what’s best for him? Has he really been giving Kakashi the care he needs?

Thinking back on the current situation they’ve all found themselves in, Minato feels a little sick himself when he realizes that the answer is a resounding _obviously not_. 

His footsteps barely make any noise as he walks down the short, tiny hallway to stand outside the bathroom door. There was a subconscious need to… he wasn’t sure. To just, _not disturb_ . Sometimes he felt like a stranger in this apartment, like he wasn’t exactly welcome half the time, like maybe it would be better if he left, because really, what help was he? What is Minato actually offering, here? He’s not great at taking care of sick children, _apparently_ that’s Orochimaru’s schtick—however shocking it still sometimes is to notice—and he’s not exactly great at providing emotional support either, Minato has found. 

Whenever Kakashi looks at him, there’s this strange little gleam in his eye that just looks horrendously _wrecked_ , and for all the heartache it gives Minato to see, he’s got no clue how to go about soothing it. 

He raps softly on the door, only to find it swing in slightly from his touch. The door being ajar is a bit worrying, because normally Kakashi shuts it tightly and locks it, as if having it there as a barrier would keep the rest of them from hearing the discomforting sounds of his continuous retching through the paper thin walls. Minato’s frown deepens, and he pushes the door all the way in. 

It’s dimly lit inside. The overhead light isn’t on, and neither is the lamp above the mirror over the sink—the only light source is the afternoon sun rays peeking in through the grainy glass of the privacy window inside the shower. 

For a second, Minato has the startling thought that Kakashi isn’t where they’d thought he was, isn't in the bathroom at all— _where could he be_?—but that assumption is put out of his mind when he spots just beyond the halfway closed shower curtain in his peripheral. 

Minato inches forward, quieter than a mouse, and peers around the obstacle to his vision, not daring to move the curtain least it make a noise. Peeking his head into the gap, he looks down, and there’s his student, curled up on the floor of the bathtub with a multitude of towels that look as if he’d just yanked them out of the cupboard and tossed them in before climbing inside and getting lost in them. 

Kakashi has at least two wrapped around himself like they’re blankets, three more around his legs, and the rest are strewn about like some sort of nest, some being used as pillows, and some just _there_ , not really contributing to any purpose but still part of it all. 

Kakashi’s face is buried in a particularly fluffy looking one that looks rather new, and had probably been purchased in the past couple of days, which means not by Kakashi, because the boy hasn’t left the apartment—in any case, he’s fast asleep. 

Minato stares down at him for a long while, a few minutes maybe, just. Looking. Kakashi is more comfortable taking a nap in the bathtub than Minato has seen him be all week. 

The jounin stands there for a second, and then sighs, backing silently out of the room and closing the door. It would be best to just let the kid sleep. 

When he returns to the kitchen, Orochimaru glances up from his tea and raises a single elegant eyebrow at him. 

“He was sleeping in the bathtub,” Minato says, shrugging helplessly. 

Orochimaru stares at him. “Did you take him out before he drowns himself, at least?”

Minato blinks. And then hurries to answer, “No, I mean… he’s got like, an entire nest of towels in there. There’s no water. He’s just… sleeping.”

The snake sannin puts down his teacup, and for the first time since he met the man, Minato gets the pleasure of seeing him look actually perturbed about something. 

“I just left him there,” he adds. “He was really just conked right out. He’s sleeping better than I’ve seen him since he got sick.”

“In the bathtub,” Orochimaru says, just to clarify. 

Minato shrugs again, and grins. 

“Yeah, in the bathtub.”

  
  


Kakashi wakes up to a towel nearly suffocating him, and groans when he catches sight of the sides of the bathtub rising up around him like a porcelain wall. 

Why did his team give him such _weird_ habits?!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is some crack I was thinking about, ages ago, in like the far future of post-EttW. Definitely, probably, won’t actually make it into the story.  
> Warning: maybe spoilers? Idk yet, don’t quote me on this bc I have yet to decide

“So,” his teammate says when they’re alone again, stretched out on the grass side by side as they watch their teams interact. “What’s going on between you and Orochimaru?”

Kakashi regards him warily from the corner of his eye. “What do you mean.”

“I mean,” Obito leans forward, arms crossed loosely over his stomach and an odd sort of grin stretching too far over his mouth, “I mean, you and Orochimaru? Something?”

Kakashi eyes their students for a moment, and then glances slowly back at the strangest Uchiha to ever Uchiha—or rather, if he was indeed Uchihaing, he did it very poorly indeed. The Hatake sits up cautiously, muscles tensed, and gives his teammate a look. 

“Sorry,” he says, “what  _ the fuck _ do you mean?”

Obito blows out an exasperated breath, causing that one strand of hair that always hangs rebelliously over his face to puff outward.

“I mean!” The maniac waves his hands to emphasize just how much he  _ means _ . “What’s going on? I  _ mean _ ; you, Orochimaru, and—“

“ _ Ah _ ,” Kakashi says in realization, looking out over the training grounds. 

And then what Obito’s really asking smacks him in the face, and he whips around so fast he sees Obito wince and rub his neck in sympathy.

“ _ What _ ,” Kakashi asks lowly, leaning forward. His hands are held out, the fingers are twitching. Twitching with the barely repressed urge to  _ strangle _ the awkwardly laughing Uchiha before him. 

“I just figured,” Obito says, moving his hand up to scratch at the back of his head. “Since you spend  _ so much time _ together, that—“

Kakashi groans out in mortification and flops out on the ground, hands pressed tightly over his eyes as if that would be able to erase the fucking  _ nightmare _ the other nin had just spelled out for him. 

“ _ No _ ,” he says, and it comes out a little choked. His chest swells with a furious, incoherent  _ rage _ when he hears Obito chuckling at him. “No, no, that’s not—Obito,  _ I can’t even _ , Orochimaru is like—“

Kakashi sits up from the ground so fast that his forehead protector nearly makes sparks fly on Obito’s. The other man springs back from him with two eyebrows raised high above the curious and always expressive eyes. 

Kakashi doesn't notice though, he’s too busy being caught up in the horrifying fact that he had literally just been about to say  _ Orochimaru is like my  _ **_mom_ ** _ , Obito, what the hell _ , which? Um?  _ Um?! _ What the actual, ummm?  _ What _ in the  _ actual _ fu—

“Hhhhhhh,” Kakashi says, or tries to say but fails, because he’s too busy freaking out. 

Obito stares at him, and then that strange, nervous, too big grin stretches across his face again, and he says, “... Coming to some sort of realization?”

Kakashi doesn’t make a conscious decision for it, but he hauls back and punches Obito a clear eleven feet away from himself, and watches with wild eyes as the Uchiha lands flat on his ass across the field. 

He jumps to his feet, and has just enough time to shout, “Sage  **_fuck_ ** _ ,  _ Obito,  _ no _ !” before he finds himself flash stepping away on pure instinct. He doesn’t stick around long enough to catch the collection of alarmed, amused, incredulous, and befuddled stares he leaves in his wake.

Genma is one of those who find amusement in the scene. He comes over with a wry grin around a senbon needle, and elbows the speechless Uchiha in the side after he stands up. 

“What was that about?” The Hokage guard member asks. “You try to ask him out or something?”

Obito makes a loud sound of objection. “Why the hell would I do  _ that _ ?!”

Raidou crosses his arms incredulously. “Uh, because practically everyone already thinks you two are dating?”

Obito is quiet for a moment, staring at the ground. The two nin exchange raised eyebrows, and then turn back to him when he finally looks up. There’s a greenish look on his face. 

“I think I get why he freaked on me, just now,” Obito mumbles quietly. Then, in a louder voice, he adds, “ _ No _ , Kakashi’s basically my little brother. It’d be some messed up shit, if I tried  _ dating _ him. Ugh,  _ gross _ .”

  
  


Because Kakashi is an idiot with no sense of self-preservation, he goes straight to the very subject of his dilemma. 

He crashes onto the couch and buries his face into one of it’s marshmallow-soft and tastefully decorative throw pillows, pressing out a high pitch whine that he’d definitely picked up from his dogs somehow in the course of his life.

“Why,” he bemoans, “can’t kamisama just kill me already?”

The hand that Orochimaru places on his head and then runs through his hair with an absent but still amused quiet chuckle is just as comforting as Kakashi expected it to be, which, really, just makes everything worse. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note this excerpt is extremely outdated (I wrote it long before I ever brought Obito into the main story, even), and this Obito here was never really introduced to any example of parental figures aside from Minato who is just a teacher. All he sees is how close Orochimaru and Kakashi are, and extrapolates based off what he can discern from his own experiences. Sad and dumb (confused) boy in the house

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, here’s one scene I just couldn’t bring myself to keep in the dark forever. Couldn’t really find a place for it in the story and I’m past the point where it can be used, so I decided this was the next best thing.


End file.
